Please read the entire thing. You may disagree, and if you do, that’s fine. You may post your disagreement in a post. But first, please read the entire thing with an open mind and think about what is being said. Inevitably, someone is going to read with a closed mind and no interest is seeing anything from anyone elses views or changing their own ideas. But I beg of you to please try to read with an open mind. Thank you.
We all post pictures that could potentially trigger someone even if all you post is pictures of pink cuddly teddy bears. Sometimes it’s to reach out. But when one reaches out because he or she needs help with (lets use the above example) fear of pink cuddly teddy bears, he or she needs to be aware of who he or she is reaching out too. If if he or she is reaching out to a group of people who are also afraid of those teddy bears or are recovering from that fear or so on then that person is reaching out to people who need just as much help and are suffering too. That is not really the best group to reach out to for help but it’s human nature to stick with others who are like us, not to reach out to someone who might be of better help but is not in the same situation.
Now take this for example. Bob puts up a picture of a pink cuddly teddy bear that he is forced to see everyday when he goes to work. He wants to post it to ask for help in a way. One of his friends, Amy, sees the wall post saying Bob has added a picture. When she looks at the picture it scares her. She starts to have a panic attack. She comments on Bob’s picture saying she is sorry he is suffering from this fear but she is going to have to delete him because his pictures are triggering her panic attacks.
Amy isn’t being mean or trying to hurt Bob. Amy is protecting herself because she knows if she sees those pictures she will have a panic attack and she is trying to stop having them so often. She cares about Bob but she cannot risk her own mental health for his sake. That won’t help either one of them. She is respecting her own needs but also trying to respect his. She did not just delete him right away; she gave him a reason why therefore, respecting his need and right to know why he was being deleted from her friends list. She cared about him enough to respect him and his needs and rights.
Suppose Bob comments back to her that she must just hate him. Amy then comes back to try to explain and correct what she feels was some miscommunication. She cared enough to risk seeing the teddy bear and going into another panic attack just to correct what she feels was some miscommunication.
When someone tells you they have to delete you for their own safety, try to understand it’s nothing against you. They are not being selfish either. It is important that we try to help others and care about one another. However, if we risk our own health and safety to do so then we really are not doing anyone any good. Even if we manage to help the other person, if we are still suffering or even worse off than before then we haven’t really fixed anything. We do need to help those that we can and be kind and respectful but before taking care of others we must make sure we take care of ourselves. That does NOT mean we need to make sure we can buy a limosine before we feed the homeless or give an unemployed man a job before he loses everything he has. It means we need to make sure that we have the necessities and are safe before we try to fill someone elses needs and keep them safe. Putting our own safety before someone elses is not selfish. It’s wise and important. It is also a step towards our own healing.
When Bob reaches out to his group he needs to be aware that these friends of his are not in any better position than he is. They may find his pictures of the things he fears to be triggering or just unsettling. Bob might be posting those pictures because he wants people to know what he is afraid of or obbessed with and feel that by posting them someone might beable to help him overcome it but it could hurt some people. These people may choose to delete him as a friend and/or block him. They are taking care of themselves. By making that decision they are respecting themselves and that is a big step in recovery from any fear, obssesion, addiction, or illness. They are not being mean. They simply can not handle it.
There are other ways to handle such a situation though. Personally, I prefer the option of asking that person to blcok you from seeing their pictures or a particular album. One can also block themselves from seeing someones status updates. This way you can still talk to the person but you don’t have to risk your own safety assuming that it is only their pictures or status posts that bother you.
If someone asks you to block them from seeing your photos are a particular group of photos then don’t get offended. They value your friendship but they are trying to protect themselves at the same time. Now Facebook makes you post the pictures to your wall (unless there is some cheat way that I am not aware of) which means if you add to that album then those pictures will come up in the news/status feed. If you have friends on your account that have asked to be blocked from that sort of picture or album then it is respctful that you go to your wall as soon as you can and delete the post. Even if no one has asked you to be blocked, if you know what you just uploaded could be triggering, it is best to go ahead and do that anyway.
We all post pictures that could potentially trigger someone even if all you post is pictures of pink cuddly teddy bears. Sometimes it’s to reach out. But when one reaches out because he or she needs help with (lets use the above example) fear of pink cuddly teddy bears, he or she needs to be aware of who he or she is reaching out too. If if he or she is reaching out to a group of people who are also afraid of those teddy bears or are recovering from that fear or so on then that person is reaching out to people who need just as much help and are suffering too. That is not really the best group to reach out to for help but it’s human nature to stick with others who are like us, not to reach out to someone who might be of better help but is not in the same situation.
Now take this for example. Bob puts up a picture of a pink cuddly teddy bear that he is forced to see everyday when he goes to work. He wants to post it to ask for help in a way. One of his friends, Amy, sees the wall post saying Bob has added a picture. When she looks at the picture it scares her. She starts to have a panic attack. She comments on Bob’s picture saying she is sorry he is suffering from this fear but she is going to have to delete him because his pictures are triggering her panic attacks.
Amy isn’t being mean or trying to hurt Bob. Amy is protecting herself because she knows if she sees those pictures she will have a panic attack and she is trying to stop having them so often. She cares about Bob but she cannot risk her own mental health for his sake. That won’t help either one of them. She is respecting her own needs but also trying to respect his. She did not just delete him right away; she gave him a reason why therefore, respecting his need and right to know why he was being deleted from her friends list. She cared about him enough to respect him and his needs and rights.
Suppose Bob comments back to her that she must just hate him. Amy then comes back to try to explain and correct what she feels was some miscommunication. She cared enough to risk seeing the teddy bear and going into another panic attack just to correct what she feels was some miscommunication.
When someone tells you they have to delete you for their own safety, try to understand it’s nothing against you. They are not being selfish either. It is important that we try to help others and care about one another. However, if we risk our own health and safety to do so then we really are not doing anyone any good. Even if we manage to help the other person, if we are still suffering or even worse off than before then we haven’t really fixed anything. We do need to help those that we can and be kind and respectful but before taking care of others we must make sure we take care of ourselves. That does NOT mean we need to make sure we can buy a limosine before we feed the homeless or give an unemployed man a job before he loses everything he has. It means we need to make sure that we have the necessities and are safe before we try to fill someone elses needs and keep them safe. Putting our own safety before someone elses is not selfish. It’s wise and important. It is also a step towards our own healing.
When Bob reaches out to his group he needs to be aware that these friends of his are not in any better position than he is. They may find his pictures of the things he fears to be triggering or just unsettling. Bob might be posting those pictures because he wants people to know what he is afraid of or obbessed with and feel that by posting them someone might beable to help him overcome it but it could hurt some people. These people may choose to delete him as a friend and/or block him. They are taking care of themselves. By making that decision they are respecting themselves and that is a big step in recovery from any fear, obssesion, addiction, or illness. They are not being mean. They simply can not handle it.
There are other ways to handle such a situation though. Personally, I prefer the option of asking that person to blcok you from seeing their pictures or a particular album. One can also block themselves from seeing someones status updates. This way you can still talk to the person but you don’t have to risk your own safety assuming that it is only their pictures or status posts that bother you.
If someone asks you to block them from seeing your photos are a particular group of photos then don’t get offended. They value your friendship but they are trying to protect themselves at the same time. Now Facebook makes you post the pictures to your wall (unless there is some cheat way that I am not aware of) which means if you add to that album then those pictures will come up in the news/status feed. If you have friends on your account that have asked to be blocked from that sort of picture or album then it is respctful that you go to your wall as soon as you can and delete the post. Even if no one has asked you to be blocked, if you know what you just uploaded could be triggering, it is best to go ahead and do that anyway.
Point is, everyone has the right to free speech and freedom of expression(though it can be limited on the internet by websites or censored). People have the right to post status and pictures. However they also have the responsibility to deal with any consequences for their actions. If you post a half naked pick with some guys face buried in your chest and a potention employer decided not to hire you because of it then that is their right because you are responsible for your actions. If you want to post pictures of the ”scarry” pink cuddly teddy bears and someone deletes you as a friend, that is their right. We also are responsible for others safety when it involves our actions and decisions. It is everyones responsibility to respect that others may delete us because of the things we post. It is our responsibility to be mindful of what we post and to block those who have asked to be blocked and to delete posts in which we can not block someone from seeing. It is our responsibility to be respectful of other peoples choices and wishes. We have the right to post what we want within limitations. But with every right comes responsibility. We are also responsible for our own safety.That means we are responsible for asking someone to block us or deleting them if their content or words endangers us in any way shape or form. We are also responsible for reporting those who do not respect the rights of others, such as the right to safety, those who threaten an individuals or groups safety, or those who deny their responsibilities that come with their rights.
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